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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

More than ever i need my jesus

Today it hit me.
i have been so unhappy the past few days and i did not understand really why.
But then like a ton of bricks it all fell right on top of me. Ive been separated from the presence of God. I separated myself from it. There were times when i ignored it, didnt see it and even flat out refused it.Why did i do that? I have no clue.
Ive been living in sin and giving into the lies and temptation on the enemy. I havent spent time with Jesus in weeks. Im starting to get into fights with my parents again. and the thing that made me realize that i needed to change is because i could feel myself putting up that wall. The wall that separated me from everyone that wanted to help. The wall that shut everything and everyone good out. Most of all God. That wall was torn down a few months ago but i felt it starting to be built back up. And that freaked me out. So i called my amazing prayer warrior of a friend Kaeli and told her what was up. She prayed for me and reassured me that everything would be ok. "just press into God." thats what she said. But sometimes life seems so much more appealing to me. Going out with friends, watching tv, doing stuff on the computer. life is so distracting sometimes.
So now im here,having to rebuild alot of things in my life. Addicted to things that i have to get rid of. Some more serious than others,
I remember back a few months ago, i was so close to jesus and could sense the presence of God all around me. I remember thinking to myself how could i have lived without this for so long. I finally found what i should have been living for all my life. but then i lost it. it was nobodys faul but my own. I did it, and i admit to it. And im willing to do anything i have to do to get back there.
I need him more than anything.
Take me back to the place where i first met you.

1 Comments:

Blogger Al said...

Julianne,
You have such an evident calling of God on your life, and I was just crying while reading this because it is so obvious that you truely love Jesus with all of your heart, and that God is going to do all the things He has told you He is going to do - you will see the fulfillment of the purpose God has planned for you; and it is big. It is a specific path that no one else can walk out.
I love your heart. I love that you can be so real. God can do anything with that.
xoxo

7:35 PM  

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