missing

let me see if i can explain this and have it make sense.
the last year ive really grown up and im really happy with where i am in my life, spiritually and emotionally speaking.
but today was i think the first time when i really deeply missed the past.
the people i used to hang out with that arent around anymore, the house i used to live in (cuz we moved in february), my neighborhood, my grampa especially and i guess, just my life.
i guess its because i drove by my old house today and when i was downtown i drove by a place that i used to go with my friends alot.
i went through alot in the last year and a half and its helped me realize the areas of my life that needed some changing and thats what i did. i changed them. im not perfect but do you know anyone who is?
ive been trying to deny the fact that im basically a grown up but this summer has i guess forced me to come to the realization of it. I guess you have to realize that you are changing when everything else around is changing. im 20 now,my brother and sister in law are parents npw. I am in my sophmore year at pbc and doing tons of credits , I am still trying to process a lot and let a lot things go. One of the bigger things is my grampa dying in june. it wasnt super sudden but still that didnt make it any easier. i went back to yakima (where my grampa and now grama lives)for the first time since his funeral and it was seriously weird. itll be harder around holidays but thats always the worst time isnt it? The thing for me now is dealing with him not being there. The holidays were so different and weird.
and now my great aunt passed away this last winter. thats the major things thats shown me that im getting older. losing my relatives to old age.
and im sl doing over 20 credits a semester so most of my time if spent working on home work and ive never had to be so dedicated to something before in my life. but it was my decision to do so much because i want to get my associates by may. i know looking back im going to be so proud of myself for getting it all done.
i just have this sense of longing for something and i miss something so much but i still dont know exactly what it is...im scared about growing up and having responsibility.
im excited to get my 2 year done but im scared im going to cave under all the stress and pressure of having so much work to do and get done..maybe those are the same things..i dont know...this year is going to be very interesting and hard and stressful and fun and stretching and well....I guess ill have to wait and see what else life has in store for me